2 weeks to go

i've had a much better, more focussed day today, and i can see that the exhibition IS going to come together in time. Thank goodness. 2 weeks from now will be the Preview evening.

No 21. Number of Worms: There must exist 53,767 worms in an acre of garden.

21 of the 30 pieces are now in place, and with a concerted effort over the coming weekend, I hope that all the pieces will be done, finished and photographed, ready to make up the catalogue, and the limited edition artist's books next week, and a week to spare for eventuallities. Feeling good and positive! X

Why can't I focus?

In a previous posting, I wrote:

"The main part of my work is in the preparation and thinking process. In some ways, the end result has been established long before the work becomes reality . . .   so does it actually need to happen . . .?  "

Well as usual, i have been thinking about the statement, and, yes ONE part of my work IS the thinking process, but although i may think that the end result has been established before the work becomes a reality, in actuality the making of the work is just as important, and throws up all sorts of questions which I had not been aware of. The reason I am frightened of it is that I worry I will decide it is "old hat" before i finish it. I must remember that it may be "old hat" to me, but it is fresh and new to its audience, and the audience's relationship to the work will give it new life, and hopefully a renewed sense of purpose.

So, I think what i meant to say in answer to my own question, is that although the content of the work has been established - and in some ways that is the bit which really excites me - it is part of my nature that i become obsessed with certain things, and it is during these obsessions that the majority of the content is identified. However, my obsessions do not last, and therefore if the work is not physically made at the time of the thinking, I easily lose interest. THAT is why I am finding it so hard to put this exhibition together! My mind has moved on several stages, and even through several more possible exhibitions and projects. Looking back on my notebooks, sketches and thoughts, I can see the progression: the evolution of my ideas. I MUST hold onto it.

Putting this exhibition into reality is a VITAL part of documenting my ideas and thoughts. Appropriate then, that the thought which has re-captured my attention, is taking the form of an artist's book to accompany the exhibition. I need the images of the 30 chapters, as final pieces in the artist's book, so obviously I need those images to be in a camera and then on paper, and not just in my head.

My thoughts are a bit of a jumble today, which is why this post is the way it is. But if this blog is to be a record of the process of making the exhibition, i decided it was important to add it, and leave it, jumbled and confused.

Hopefully tomorrow will be more focussed again. Time is running short!!!

I have managed to get the new batons in place, had a lovely lunch with a new, but very special friend, and written a new poem, which i will present at Scarborough Poetry Workshop tonight. So not a completely wasted day!

Image Height and Lighting

Well, ive had a disjointed, but nonetheless productive day today. Having moved on to the images which are to hang in the front gallery, it very quickly became apparent that i was going to have to adjust the height of ALL of the images - once the gallery spot lights were turned on, it didn't matter which angle they were set at, the reflection of the light on the glass made the images distorted and in some cases completely illegible!

So, tomorrow, before i start anything else, i will have to invest in some more battons for the wall, remove the frames from their current positions, cut and reposition the batons, paint them . . . . .  then rehang the frames, and off I go again. So pleased I have left sufficient time to allow for such an eventuality. Shouldn't hold me back for too long, and it will be more than worth the effort.

Going to have an early night tonight, ready to do battle with the battons tomorrow.

Finally it's coming together!

Time goes so fast and i seem to waste so much of it. BUT - in two days of complete focus, i have finally produced 10 really good pieces, and I am photographing them for a limited edition artist's book as i go along. Copies of the artist's book will be for sale at the exhibition. 

Although the images are all in my head (and have been for some time) - and I know exactly what i am trying to achieve - the pressure I have put on myself really relates to the 30 pieces being ONE piece. Although it should have been obvious, i had not quite realised the significance of this. If I was in the usual positiion of curating 30 separate pieces, i would be able to change their order to suit visual relationships between pieces, however, because an important part of the concept of this exhibition is that the work is describing the specific contents of a book,  it is important to me that I stick to the order of the chapters. So I have found myself having to create and hang the work, sequentially, in the gallery space!! Thank goodness there are only a few meetings taking place in there before the preview on 14th February.

 I also found that I had to move the display cabinets from the centre of the room. Visually they were rather like finding advertising stapled into the middle of a double page spread in a magazine you are trying to read.

No longer terrified of having no work

Well, all the advertising has been done. People have said they are coming to the Preview on 14th February at 7.00 - 9.00pm.  And I have been terrified that the work, which i have been planning for 3 years, wasn't actually going to materialise . . . . . But thank goodness, it seems to be falling into place. I should learn to just TRUST MYSELF. 

The main part of my work is in the preparation and thinking process. In some ways, the end result has been established long before the work becomes reality, and then making it reality is quite scary. Does it actually need to happen, or is it then too much about ME, too personal to want to share, or expose.? It becomes a very intense experience, which I sometimes want to hide from. 

Someone asked me yesterday whether artists create work for themselves or for an audience? Adding: "Presumably it is about communicating - so needs an audience, ultimately?" My answer came, suprisingly for me, without apparently giving it much thought, but it seemed to come from my subconscious and sum up exactly how I feel about my work:

 "I think art is like your child. 

You make it for yourself and have a very intimate relationship with it, 

but it only fulfills its potential by having relationships with others."

Here is the first piece in the exhibition: appropriately called "No 1: Sites Inhabited"

2014 The Year of the Wife or the Artist?

i know this is strange title for this blog, but since my last posting the following things have happened, and have made me really stop and think about what is really important to me at this stage in my life:

1) Re-decorated back gallery

2) Converted sitting room back into front gallery

3) Continued work and research on Darwin

4) Moved my bedroom into the old studios

5) Started work on the new basement kitchen/workshop/library/meeting area

6) Christmas and New Year have come and gone, essentially alone by choice

7) Spent a final weekend away with my husband

8) Made positive reconnections with my daughter and my mother

Fairly obviously, being a good/happy wife depends on being able to dedicate quality time to your husband. Being an artist requires a similar level of commitment, and if nothing else, the last 20 years have taught me that I'm not very good at doing these two things at the same time. One gets left out and then causes resentment. The way I work is all or nothing! Another artist said to me today that I put them to shame with the amount of work i have done over the last couple of weeks. But my point is that we all have to make choices. I chose not to do Christmas, and have now chosen not to do marriage either.

2014 is going to be a year dedicated to my creativity, The Studio Gallery and making an independent living. "The Movement and Action of Worms" exhibition is the keystone to this commitment.

I really like this quote by T S Elliot: 

" Last year's words belong to last year's language,

 and next year's words await another voice."